Origami

I've been extremely moved by the outpouring of love and support from all of you since my post last week. There aren't enough words to express my heartfelt thanks and appreciation for your stories, advice and thoughtfulness. You are all tremendously kind souls, and I’m so grateful this blog has allowed me to connect with you!

A return to blogging has led to digging through the mountain of old, unposted outfit pictures in Picasa still waiting to be shared. I don't want to let all those perfectly good outfits go to waste, but I know there will be something depressing about reliving sweaters and jackets while I’m actually fighting off 90 degree heat and humidity in an oft-worn maxi dress, sandals and minimal make-up. However, summer dressing has always been traditionally boring as HECK in my current/soon-to-be-former job, so I thought it would be a good time to revisit those out-of-season but perfectly good photo sessions and rejuvenate the content on this ol’ blog. I’m also thinking about how I can take advantage of my upcoming “vacation” and shake things up a bit sartorially. It might just take my mind off all the what-the-hell-comes-next stress I’m experiencing!

In the meantime, I thought I'd first feature a more recent outfit thanks to the glory that is Gwynnie Bee. Like so much of the blogosphere and its environs (or so I must assume), I finally joined Gwynnie Bee. I'm sure many of you have already read another blogger's experience about it and know how it works, or you might already be a member yourself, so I'll simply link to the mechanics of it for now. As for me, I can’t seem to shut up about it – mostly to my sister (who I finally convinced to join) or poor Bob who witnesses my package arrivals and the squeals of glee that come from the amazement of getting to try something from Anna Scholtz or Igigi for fractions of the cost. And not only do I get to try it on, I get to wear it out, take the tags off, wrinkle it, put perfume on. AND THEN RETURN IT. No guilt! No buyer's remorse! It's a genius concept, really. Netflix for clothing, indeed! So much of my shopping addiction comes from that unadulterated bliss of getting something NEW, despite how often it does or does not get worn in the future. Gwynnie Bee has released me from being tied-down, committed, invested in certain items of clothing. (Friends, I think I just admitted that I'm a clothing slut...)  It's also the perfect answer to the lack of modern, high-quality plus-sized clothing available in brick and mortar stores, and the age-old pain of having to try things on in the store even if you DO find them. And then spending sometimes stupid amounts of money on not only the clothing but often shipping. And then facing a possible return... ugh, don't get me started. Gwynnie Bee has single-handedly confronted and solved all of that, not to mention the fact that I can finally sustain an acceptable clothing budget (something I've never been able to say before). If you happen to not have joined yet, DO IT. You even get to try your first month for free! (If you join via my personal link and/or mention my name or blog, I’ll get a free month!) And then tell all your friends and family to do it, too. (Then YOU’LL get a free month.) This is not a sponsored post, my friends. As a bonafide clothes slut horse, I'm just over the moon that a service like this exists for plus sizes.

Earrings - Ruche (last year) / Ring - Trina Turk for Banana Republic (n/a) /
Belt - The Limited (old) / Nails - Where's My Chauffeur? (Essie via Ulta)

I joined GB in January, so I hadn't been in blogging mode for most of the GB pieces that have already come and gone from of my closet, but this origami top from ASOS CURVE became an instant favorite (worn 3 times in one week!) and I knew I had to blog it at some point. It's a finicky top, to be sure, but I'm happy to say that I've made it work. I mean, it is HUGE. Indeed, most of the reviews on Gwynnie Bee will tell you how big and unflattering it is and to not even bother. But I've found this to be the case for most of the tops in the ASOS CURVE line. Do a quick browse of their tops and you'll easily see that those Brits seem to favor their oversized, flowy styles. Between the fabulous models they have WERQing their pieces, and their often perfect styling of them, there is definitely inspiration to be found, however. The trick to this particular top is to belt it as featured on the model. It's still somewhat fussy, yes, but if you accept that it should fit more like a tunic (as, oddly, the straight-sized version is called), and that the origami folds are actually a really great feature of the top that you can exploit, it can be a fabulous piece. Skinnies are practically a necessity, of course. In fact, I liked how big it was because it magically covered up all the bulges of my midsection while still making me look shapely, modern and fun. I do still wish it was one size smaller (the smallest size GB or ASOS offered in this top was a 16), but I improved the fit by securing it at my shoulders so it could still hang loosely without sagging in the front. I liked this outfit so much that I thought briefly of buying the top, but I couldn't really justify it as the one hit wonder it seems to be - even if I play that hit over and over again. I may request it from GB again in the future, though! Hell, I might be the only one who likes it anyway. =)

Cardigan - LOFT (old) / Origami top - ASOS via Gwynnie Bee / Black skinnies - Old Navy /
Handbag - Coach (gifted) / Wedges - LOFT (old)

I should mention that, as I attempt to get back into the blogging grove and deal with my departure from my job (and everything else that means), posting may be a bit spotty. Please bear with me! I really am back. =)

Acknowledgements

Dear readers,

It's been six months almost to the day since I last blogged. It has been an unplanned, even unacknowledged absence on my part. In fact, I found myself ignoring the blog entirely. Some of you have emailed, posted on the blog’s Facebook wall, tweeted - and nothing in reply. For that, I am sorry. I've thought many times about posting an update of some kind, something - anything to address my silence. To be honest, I just have not been up to the task.

Among other things, I'll be leaving my job at the end of this month. I'm both thrilled and terrified: I don’t exactly know what I’m doing next, but I'll be job hunting and grant-writing (finishing the dissertation is a real item on my agenda) for most of the summer. Without going into too much detail, the job situation has been one of the most paralyzing things about this year, and it’s probably the source of many of the reasons I stopped blogging for a while. I made the decision to leave in November, but I committed myself to finishing the season and finally gave my two-months' notice in April. Guarding that secret so closely for as long as did (in fact, I often wondered if I'd even be brave enough to go through with it) only added to an already stressful job environment. And the job environment was killing me pretty damn quickly. When anger is the most frequent emotion you feel during a work day, it's time for a change. The regular season ended in April and the graduation season only ended last Tuesday, and then I was out sick with a nasty cold for the rest the week. (No coincidence there, I'm sure.) Only this past weekend did I feel like I could actually move on. That I’m ready to move on…

Most importantly, I really feel like doing things again. Starting with blogging.

The blog has been a real conundrum during this whole ordeal. I've worn some killer outfits over the past 6 months and regretted not sharing them with you all. But I also have had a hard time formulating any coherent thought about, well, anything. More and more of my posts from the last year started to sound so manufactured and one-dimensional, and I couldn't find a way to break out of that, especially when I couldn't be open about what was going on in my life anyway. I wanted to share more, but I didn't even know where to begin, and I was terribly afraid of coming across as too negative or even whiny. Not insignificantly, I'd also gained a lot of weight this year (no doubt related to the job stress), and I could no longer bring myself to take pictures of myself every day. Proclaiming self-confidence as a curvy blogger wholovedherbodynomatterwhat would have been an outright lie. And wasn’t that what my proclamation was supposed to be? I didn't know how to reconcile any of it, and blogging itself became a source of stress. So I just…stopped.

I’m sure many of you read Kendi Everyday. Well, her poignant post from a few weeks ago (“Life Lately”) deeply moved me because it hit so close to home. And I’d been struggling with my blogging mission (as I'll call it) too. Why do we blog? How much do and should we share behind the camera lens? Am I being dishonest somehow if I present the perfectly styled portrait of an outfit and only that? What do my readers really want, anyway? Am I a model or a stylist or just a regular person putting herself out there, using her personal style as a vehicle? I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not the only (style) blogger questioning these things lately, and I'm extremely intrigued that so many of us are saying the same thing almost all at the same time. (Courage begets courage!) I'm even more comforted by the warm responses I read on such blog posts - the blogging community truly is a remarkable one. So I think the answers to these questions come down to the first rule of blogging, as I learned it: focus first on the content and your readership will follow; figure out what you want your blog to be and let it be that fully. And then have a little trust...

But the other thing is that honest writing, if that's what is important, is just plain hard, and it’s always risky. This post sure as hell didn't come easily - I've been mulling over it since Saturday! A part of me just wanted to jump right back in with the usual outfit pictures announcing "Hi! I'm back! Here's what I wore on a bunch of random weekend errands! I missed everyone!" But I knew that would not have been complete and therefore not honest, and I found myself really caring about that, regardless of who might be reading the post, or when. It was the choice to either buckle down and take a risk, or continue in the same unfulfilling vein that made me stop blogging in the first place. Write what I actually want to say, or keep hiding and doubting myself.

So the question remains: Why do I blog? I believe my answer is just to connect and to share. And to find a little release.

I don’t know what direction this blog will take (a new title is just one of the ideas I’m tossing around), and I don’t know how often or even how long I’ll continue to blog. I do know that I've been wanting to get back to the kind of freedom I felt when I first started the blog, allowing myself that sense of immediacy and accomplishment that writing about a day (in the life of an outfit?) and hitting "Publish" gives. Yes, there’s something really fulfilling about that.

So if you've made it to the end of this manifesto of sorts, I thank you for connecting with me, for letting me share with you, whoever you are. There's something to be said for having a space to think, write, and share without knowing exactly who (if anyone!) I might be reaching. Anonymity is mixed blessing. And if I have reached or helped you somewhere along the the course of this blog, I am so humbled that I have and so grateful that I can. Your support, encouragement and inspiration has definitely reached me.

Sincerely,
Jessica

P.S. I DO know that I don't intend to stop sharing my style, so how 'bout some outfit pictures, eh? =)

Dragonfly tee - Dorothy Perkins / Denim pencil skirt - Queen Grace (n/a)

Sandals - Christian Siriano for Payless

Ring - The Limited (old) / Earrings - LOFT (old)

To the New!

This holiday season has been a whirlwind of good things all around. Engagement, birthday, Christmas with family, outings with friends visiting from out of state. So much to celebrate as I close out 2012 and ring in 2013! And it wouldn't be a proper celebration without a great dress (thank you Kiyonna!) and all the trimmings. And a frosty winter's night background that somehow complements it all perfectly.

Betsey Ruched Dress  - c/o Kiyonna / Shoes - Kelsi Dagger / Coat - Larry Levine

Truth be told, Bob and I have gone back and forth about how we wanted to welcome the new year. In many ways, our engagement only just 2 weeks ago has brought us so much excitement that there doesn't seem to be any way to make the end of the year much better! We have forgone our traditional NYE/anniversary meal at our favorite local restaurant in favor of Potbelly sandwiches and cookies (our bank accounts need the reprieve after so much holiday spending anyway) while Bob clears out the DVR and I whip up this blog post. (Full disclosure: the party gear, complete with Spanx, was donned earlier for the photo shoot and now lies in wait...while I've spent the last few hours relaxing in comfies.) Instead, we'll venture out late to share a bottle of wine and the festivities of downtown just in time for the stroke of midnight. Mother Nature brought plenty of snow, so I just know the sights will be lovely (even if the sidewalks aren't...)

Clutch - ? / Earrings - Anniversary gift / Necklace - LOFT / Ring - Banana Republic
Nails - Essie "Waltz" and OPI "Mauve-ie Star in Making"

But here's the kicker. I'm all dressed up with places to go, looking and feeling fabulous, but that's not even what excites me tonight. What excites me most is the fact that I've been blessed with such a wonderful partner in life - and now for life - to share it all with. We'll start the new year together, with so many more wonderful things (and the not-so wonderful, too) to look forward to.

I hope all of you will start off the new year in ways that make YOU the happiest!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

News!

In lieu of a regular outfit post (which I'm once again behind on), I wanted to share with you all some special news... I'm engaged!

My boyfriend of 8 years popped the big question last Friday at our favorite restaurant in town. It began as a casual night out and turned into a truly memorable evening. It came as a complete shock! He did indeed get down on one knee, and the ring is better than anything I could have imagined. =)

It's been a great way to get a jump start on the holiday season - and my birthday, which happens to be today! So many wonderful things to celebrate this year. =))

Blue Ribbon

Day 4 of 5 of Nutcracker madness: rather than Christmas red or green, I went with Hanukkah blue!

Melrose Mesh Top - c/o Kiyonna / Pencil skirt - Charter Club (Macy's)

I saw a few other bloggers tuck in this top (the Melrose Mesh Top from Kiyonna), which would seem to negate the point of all that strategic ruching, but I wanted to try it anyway - maybe with a grey pencil and some funky pearl statement jewelry. But then I remembered how I rocked the polka dot version of the top with the coral version of the skirt and figured I should just apply the same formula here. When it ain't broke...

Necklace - LOFT / Ring - Ruche / Earrings - The Limited / Nails - Essie "Midnight Camii (via Ulta) 

Handbag - Furla

I just love pairing statement shoes with outfits, though. A seemingly simple outfit of solids makes a perfect backdrop for some stand-out, notice-me heels. Snake print with coral trim? Just the ticket.

Shoes - Guess

Holiday Leopard

Believe it or not, this was the only holiday red I wore for my holiday work weekends. I figured I couldn't beat the off-the-shoulder red sweater from last year, so why try? Well, you may notice I kept the same basic elements - red, black and leopard - just mixed up a bit. You can never go wrong with a little leopard.

Black tee - Dorothy Perkins / Red pencil skirt - Lane Bryant / Belt - Lane Bryant

And no, you're not crazy for thinking I'm crazy for donning short sleeves and a skirt outside in December in the Midwest. It just so happens, however, that it was mid-60s that day, and short sleeves and an easy ponte skirt were kind of ideal.

Handbag - DKNY (via TJMaxx) / Shoes - Nine West

To be honest, though, I'm not crazy about the outfit. Its simplicity made it easy to wear, but it seemed much too simple for all the festive merriment surrounding me. (No competition with the girls in velvet and tulle today!) I blame laziness exhaustion confusion and lack of inspiration due to a 60° December day. And maybe a liiiiiittle resentment toward having to get dressed up at all on a Sunday when all I wanted to do was sleep in very late and watch football in comfies...

That's right. I stick it to The Man by wearing a red pencil skirt and leopard print.

Velvet Crush

One of the best things about working multiple shows of The Nutcracker is the high number of darling little girls that come all dressed up in their holiday best for the occasion. Velvet, glitter, bows, and full skirts; red, green, winter white, black - everyone is a Christmas princess for the day. It's absolutely endearing. I'm happy to say that the boys set the bar high this year, too, donning bow ties, fancy shoes and little manly suits and vests. One little boy even wore a fedora. A FEDORA! He won, hands down - yes, even over all the little girls in tulle. Presh beyond words.

I wasn't inspired by much red or green in my own wardrobe, so I went for velvet in a rich, royal blue, sweet little sheer cap sleeves and princessy peplum. I totes fit in.

Velvet peplum top - Dorothy Perkins / Pencil skirt - Simply Be / Heels - BCBG (eBayed)

The sheer yoke sure does make bra choice difficult, though. Even a nude bra was visible, and that just wouldn't set a very good example for all those impressionable young girls! I refuse to wear a strapless bra if I can help it, but it many ways it was the only bra style I owned that didn't peek through the top sides. My girls need straps though, so thank goodness for the clear strap option!

Ring - TJ Maxx / Earrings - The Limited / Nails - Essie "Fair Game" (via Ulta)

I almost saved this outfit for a potential NYE ensemble (the jury's still out on exactly what that'll be), but I couldn't resist wearing it to work for these events. I'd like to think that, if I were 6 and headed to The Nutcracker with my grandmother (a wish I always had but one that never came true), I'd don a little (or a lot of) velvet too.

Pumpkin Glaze

I just finished this season's (rather harrowing) run of Nutcracker. Glory Be! Aside from reveling in that fact and trying to calm my nerves from the seemingly never-ending stresses (cue a mighty potent raspberry pepper margarita or two), I've realized that I haven't yet posted a single outfit from those days. And so I present to you outfit one...of five!

Pencil skirt - Lane Bryant / Jacket - LOFT / "Pretty Cami" - SWAK / Heels - Nine West

Handbag - Coach (gifted) / Belt - Talbots

Since the run opened on the last day of November, I figured I could get away with a more autumnal rather than holiday-focused attire. Plus, I had just acquired the the SWAK "Pretty Cami" in the most perfect shade of pumpkin orange, and I simply had to find a way to wear it.

Necklace - Anthropologie / Rig - Ruche / Earrings - Banana Republic /
Nails - Essie "Fair Game"  (via Ulta)

Competing for its affections were both leopard and teal. My leopard pencil skirt only lost by virtue of its slight fit issues, so teal it was. I loves me some happy color combos, and this was colorful to be sure. But don't worry - holiday colors will get their due!

Indoor Games

Ah, indoor pictures. I both love and hate you. I love the fact that I don't have to venture somewhere outside and play the "I'm just looking down at the sidewalk over here, while that random tripod is just standing in front of me" game every time cars drive by. I hate the fact that I don't have an empty wall or a neutral backdrop anywhere in my cramped little apartment and that getting the right lighting will always be a challenge. For better or worse, however, indoor pictures have only been an occasional occurrence so far this "winter."

Top - Banana Republic / Pencil skirt - eloquii / Shoes - Max Studio (via DSW)

Burgundy and leopard continue to inspire all my fall wardrobe choices. It is been my favorite fall combination, that's for sure, and one I'm not done with yet! I grabbed the top online with one of Banana Republic's weekly 40% off coupons to (partially) appease my obsessive hunt for more burgundy goodness. I sure didn't need it, but I obviously had to have it. Obviously. It's difficult to tell from the pictures, but the yoke of the top is a panel of sheer material, creating a unique mixed media effect that makes it much more than your average top, burgundy or otherwise.

Ring - Banana Republic (gifted) / Necklace - The Limited / Earrings - The Limited

Speaking of BR, has anyone else taken advantage of their totes amazing "Twelve Days of Joy" campaign? Special offers and free gifts December 1-12! My faves? Samples for Benefit Cosmetics (as a true Sephora junkie, I can never pass up make-up samples), a $10 voucher for movie tickets to see Les Misérables (a no-brainer!!) and a sample of Garrett's Popcorn (Chicagoans will know the well-earned fame behind their cracktastic bites). I'm just stunned by the freebies going around this holiday season!! Sign me up! (Says I, as I slather my lips with the Fresh Mini Sugar Lip Treatment I got from Sephora for my birthday reward.) It makes it easier to spend money on other people during the holidays if I can still stock up... =7

Handbag - DKNY (via TJMaxx)

Side of Eggplant

What better way to end the night than with a little blogging, tea and The Holiday? Now if only it was snowing outside and I had hot chocolate. (Instead, it's a balmy 63 degrees and windy. I neither understand nor like this weather.)

I'm so glad that I decided to splurge on these (sale) tops from Anthropologie. They're just the kind of pieces I like to have in my wardrobe: unique, feminine and flattering. I first wore this top with my favorite jeans (not yet blogged), which itself has become one of my go-to night-out outfits, but I love it just as much with a pencil skirt. Come to think of it, imma wear it again with jeans this week.

Side-Gathered Cowlneck - Anthropologie / Pencil skirt - eloquii / Shoes - Nine West

At first, I was worried I didn't have a good pencil skirt pairing for the top as I did for its sister, in part because there weren't as many colors to work with this time. I hesitated against browns or tans for fear of blandness, but once paired with the brown, I realized I had just the pair of shoes to draw out all the lovely purpley eggplant tones. (Oddly, the Anthro description once again calls this colorway gray. It's just not so!) And I sure do loves me some purple.

Ring - Banana Republic / Earrings - Lane Bryant / Nails - Essie "Wicked" (via Ulta)

This was the outfit I wore for my guest lecturer stint last month, by the way. I just knew the outfit I wore needed to involve a pencil skirt, the one article of clothing I always feel confidently myself in. The modest coverage of the top was a plus, but the overall look was exactly what I wanted - eye-catching, but not overwhelming. A successful day in the classroom all around.

Handbag - Tano